A brave new day

I know what your thinking! Your thinking, wait a minute, didn't he promise that the last entry in this blog, was his last entry - well I am sorry to say, I am back! and sadly so is my cancer.

It is now in two places in my liver.

The doctors have said that its about containing the cancer, not getting rid - but I have been told this in the past, I plan to get rid of it again.

If you belittle the situation, then it doesnt seem such a big deal. Right now, I am trying to see it not as, ITS CANCER...AGAIN but more, Its only cancer, again...

It as taken the 4th time to get cancer to accept that pancreatic cancer will be part of my life, through my life, and that is fine.  By accepting this, does not take the right away to not challenge it's existence. It never get easer, I would say it gets harder, to not just physically take onboard what is happening but also the weight of it mentally.

After a scan and a trip to The London Clinic and then a meeting with my oncologist the conclusion was that there are 2 new tumours on my liver and the next step is to have a Pet scan.

The Pet scan will give a better image and show if the cancer is anywhere else and then the doctors can choose what is the best direction to go for the long term decision.

I will be having the Ablation/Nano-knife technology again. My doctor said that it is acting in a different way to how pancreatic cancer usually acts and in a good way, while many (including myself) say oh another tumour again! it seems the medical professionals are saying, well, only 2 tumours after 3 years of having this and it coming back 3 times is very positive.

I am not sleeping that much, this as nothing to do with worry or stress, but just the usual cancer pain, that only seems to come alive at night when you are trying to sleep, it is now almost 2am.

I have been helping out with the charities which I really enjoy.  I have been helping the Pancreatic Cancer Action charity. PCA  are one of the charities that are trying to get Abraxane (one of the chemo drugs) back on the NHS list after the government has taken some cancer drugs off the available list.

There is an disagreement on how much the cancer drug is and its worth, I feel that the debate for that is between the drug companies and the government, but the actual use of the drug is one of a personal issue and one that i can discuss.

This was me on channel four news:

and here is the article I did for Yorkshire Evening post

Here is the link for the petition, https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/107388 Thank you for all who have signed.

I was introduced to one of the production team of the new cancer research adverts that will be on TV this Christmas, and I may be on this.

So, for now thats the information I have, waiting for results from the Pet scan, and then from that the doctors will know the best direction to go.

As for the other stuff, I will continue to help with the charities as much as I can.

My second round of chemo

Over a week later and I woke up in bed to think where the hell have I been in the past 8 days.

Chemo was hard,  for people that are about to have the same chemo, I must inform that my experience seems to be not normal, so please don't read my words and think this is what it will be like.  Please read this about the cancer treatment and side effects 

But it seems for me, I fit into that 5% that have a bad reaction to it, bloody brilliant! its been Hell.

 The collection of drugs I take is called 'Folfox' which makes it sound more like a Northern 80s nightclub more than something that beds you for a week but when  looking up one of the drugs (oxaliplatin) I was  surprised to what it read on the Macmillan website.

Hair loss

Your hair may thin but you’re unlikely to lose all the hair from your head.

I had one chemotherapy, sneezed over breakfast and my hair was in my Frosties, what the hell is all that about.

So, Mum and me was in the chemo ward a week last Monday, I have an injection with a type of drug to stop two of the side effects happening from one of the chemotherapy, and thats sickness and abdominal pains, half an hour into the chemo the abdominal pain started.  I guess i freaked out due to thinking that they have given me the drug, so why was it happening, its not a small pain, its a heavy paralysing shooting pain and due to the amount of pain, both me and my Mother both seemed to jump.

The nurse called for the Doctor and he came, the pain eased, and then came back, but then eased again, so I learnt, when it starts to hurt the best thing is, is to breath though it, as I knew it would settle down. Then I was sick.

After 3 hours of chemo, I am attached to a small plastic container with a deflating balloon inside, which pushes more chemo into my system for the next 48 hours, and dangling from my other arm is a  compact plastic box containing a large injection that pushes anti sickness drugs for the next 48 hours,  and with a look in the mirror, Im ready to hit the town!

Well, to be fair at that point the only thing I'm hitting is my bed.  I guess I walk out of the ward and I kind of remember getting into Mums car, I'm not sure of the whole details, as from that point I feel totally drugged up, and I guess thats exactly what I am.

I have an idea on what happens throughout the week of been in bed, it starts off with a lot of sickness, and when sick my temperature raises very high, very quickly,  its not a nice feeling, if feels like all the chemicals and poisons of the chemo are trying so hard to escape you are not just throwing them up, they are sweating out of every pores. When having chemo you should always watch your temperature, and if it goes over  37.5C, thats when you start to worry.  But with this type of reaction I am sure my temperature goes sky high every time I am sick.

The sickness, wow, I am sick until nothing else can come out, but that doesn't stop my body from trying to get more out, and when it gets to that point, this vile green liquid spews, which I can taste the chemicals in, which makes me gag more, its bad but looking on the bright side! I know this only lasts two to three days.

Day three seems that there is a small light at the end of the tunnel, the sickness started to easy, there is a light.

But then the next stage happens and it is more subtle that the sickness stage, but it seems to last a lot longer. I felt I was hit by a bus, and then was in a comma, and then on day 8, when I woke up,  i cried,  In the joy that it felt like I had just got home form a very distant and dark and different place, a little battered and a little bruised, but still home.

I am having the nano knife surgery done a week on Thursday and a problem been, my chemo is on monday, I feel I am going to be in no state to have the chemo, and then days later travel to London to go to that ( I feel sorry for the person I will be sat next to on that train journey!) not sure what to do at this moment in time, the surgeons in London like you to have the chemo, and so do the Oncologist in Leeds. I'm not sure if it's physically possible. 

Luckily that's where Pancreatic Cancer UK are great for advice, and there are always well known  about each of the treatments. will call them today for advice.

When writing this blog I found it difficult to write about how the chemo was. I have three other blog items I have not published which where even more random than the ones I publish. I have been avoiding this one. But, last night I started to write it and once I did, it felt better. I know I have been quite descriptive on how bad it's been. I hope I have not offended anyone. 

I have an pre-assessment, and I will let them know how it has been, hopefully they will give me more sickness drugs, but I will write about it on here.

This is now nine days after and I still feel light on my feet, but It's so nice to feel back to some kind of normal again.