I was 13 stone and ok in health, I went to the gym most days before getting told I had cancer
I then lost 4 stone and it got to a point where I could not look in the mirror (and when I did it was all ears and teeth and eyes) it not only takes away your identity but also your confidence and there is also a voice saying a lost of confidence is the least of our worries. My partner was amazing though this time, you hear many story's that partners just can not deal with it all and walk away. Mine didn't and very glad that was the case as I am not sure how I could have not done this without him.
For me, after cancer I dropped from a fit 13 stone to a ill 9 stone. I was all bones, it hurt when I sat in the bath, due to this I felt I had gone from 38 to 80. I could not walk far, at the start it was difficult to get out of bed.
It does return, I put my weight back on (in fat and not muscle) and I can not go to the gym, I cycle to work, and my confidence is better than it was a few months ago.
There're as been a lot of weight loss
And a lot of weight gain in the past few months
I'm still getting used to the physical changes in the past 12 months and physiological changes too.
In the past twelve months I have also gone part time at work, this is something i would not of dared done before I got ill due to money, (and i still am not sure if I have done the right thing) but I have decided to concentrate more on my small street food business www.market-wraps.com
Now it is hard work to do this, and i do get more tired than i used to do (I did run Market Wraps before I got ill, but i did not put as much time into it)
But, with something that you love to do, it does give you a purpose, and for me, keeping busy and active distracts you from any of the negative thoughts that cancer can produce (dont get me wrong, i do have dark days and i can get depressed, but for me, my passion of running Market Wraps keeps me sane.
Theres been so many changes in me and my life, physically and mentally in the past 12 months that I can not write about all of them.
It seems that it has been a journey, that as changed me, for good and for bad.