Right this maybe a long one....
I have had time to think about it now, and I think I have worked it out...
This is a rough draft, but bare with me.
I was interviewed for an article for pancreatic action websites January campaign, I was asked what my wishes were for the new year, I was back at the gym, and for the first time feeling a little more towards normal than I have been in the past two years. I had plans for my business in the new year, I talked about how I try and face life and not anything negative, and my new year hope is to carry on with that, two days later, I failed, I stopped that path when I was told it had come back.
Our plans of seeing friends and family over Christmas and New year seemed to get taken over by my lack of sleep and pain, in all fairness I know I could not have changed that, but still it's annoying, and it got in the way.
The cancer charity wanted me to do an online video to talk about any messages They wanted me to give someone who had just found out they have pancreatic cancer advice and meanwhile I had felt I had gone back on my word.
I have been told with this type of chemo that I was on in the past, you can only have it every 6 months.
Now I have talked to the doctors about the situation, the response was surprise, but not because it had come back, more that it's had not come back in 7 months and that's an achievement.
I think I know now what I am going to talk about on the pancreatic cancer video.
When you first find out you have cancer it's a shock, you then find out it pancreatic, you then slowly find out what that means, you find out the percentages, you find out that this is truly a terrible situation to be in, and mainly how a cancer can come and simply take your life away.
But, what they don't tell you is, it can also take your life way while you're living, it can stop your dreams, limit your living, consume your thoughts and push you off course. I know this, as it has done this to me in the past week. But, my personal advise is this, do everything not to let it, everything. Don't get me wrong, when you are being sick in bed, I know you can not live life like nothing is wrong. But if you don't let it win taking your life way, every now and then In life, you will have moments when you will smile, you will have joy and you will still have dreams and with that, you're free and it's not winning.
My body has done something remarkable, it as allowed me to live cancer free for 7 months, thank you, it has now allowed me to have the time to get over my last chemo sessions and have the energy and fight to do it all again, and given me the 6 months time to be able to do it. The only difference is I know what chemo can do, so this time I know what to expect, which will empower me.
So, I am not sure when the chemo starts or any other treatment, I don't want to do it, but I also know I can and I'm ready.
But on reflection about the written interview, and the advice to others, I am also going to go back to my plans, push my dreams, and live as cancer free as I can, living with cancer, and at the same time, aim to live cancer free again.