It is 6.49 in the morning, the alarm is on snooze waiting to let us know it's time to travel to London. This is to find out the results of the procedure and find out if it worked and got rid of my tumour.
I have not slept, and hope I haven't kept Rob awake by been restless. When I'm on chemo the sickness drugs and sleeping tablets knock me out, but I don't take them when not needed. I wish I had taken one last night.
When I did fall asleep I was having strange dreams, on a day like this you need sleep to cope with all situations the best way you can, I think I may have rely on substitute of caffeine.
Rob is driving me down to London and the appointment is around 12.00.
The last time we went to London, which was about a month ago to get the procedure done, Rob lost a small tag I had bought him at Christmas, to go around his neck that was engraved, it was not expensive and in all honesty due to my cheapskate antics, it was only held on with knot on leather cord, and that's why it fell off! It is replaceable, but I knew it upset him.
It's now 7.04, and I'm wondering if I pressed the wrong button for snooze.
We are on the motorway, it's 8.45am. My Mum arrived this morning we are getting the bedroom decorated using the money from our civil partnership, birthday and Christmas (thank you, photos to come) so my Mum is at home looking after the dog and pointing which wall should be which colour. It has been a busy household this week, while I have been sick in bed, Rob has been busy sorting out the bedroom and clearing it up, also we had a new boiler fitted yesterday, so it has been a little chaotic.
I have been asked to write a blog for pancreatic cancer action which went live yesterday. I found it hard to write as they wanted information regarding how did I find out, what were the symptoms and how did I feel. I don't really remember, I find it easer to write about the now and I find it hard to remember life before cancer.
I hope today reveals good news, one of my brothers have called and I have had good luck messages from friends by text and Facebook. It's so much more happier to tell good news, it's 9.25. I do realise I am a bit all over the place today with my blog, I am a little tired but we are having a day off the healthy eating so the sugary drinks, sweets and cookies seem to be helping with the energy levels for both of us.
When the boiler people came yesterday they moved some of our piled up items in the front of the radiator, and when I was sorting this out last night found the small tag that Rob had thought he had lost in London, I have not told him yet and want to get something a bit more secure, like a chain so it doesn't fall off, if I can do this in London I will.
11.30 and I have gone very quite, Stress and tiredness as taken over.
12.00, we see Professor Leen I explain that I have not slept.
It's now 12.50 and we are on our way back, I don't want to go all deep or should I say try and go all deep but I feel so tired and confused and emotional right now, I will blame that.
We can not change things in the past, and we can only steer for the future, so with that in mind the only amazing truth we have is the very now, and right now I am so glad to say the procedure worked, and the tumour has gone, the professor is happy with the results and he thinks my tumour count will go down further.
It's nice to give good news, I can hear the relief in my parents voices when I tell them, and both Robs and my family can continue with there day without worrying about us, it's a friends birthday today and it was not spoilt with bad news.
I gave Rob the lost tag, the engraved tag says "be happy"
Today's a good day x